1. A young collector asked an old
advanced philatelist how he made his collection so advanced and valuable. The
old guy had a look at the young nuisance and said, “Well, young man, it
was in 1940 when I got a bunch of old letters from an uncle, I soaked off the
stamps, dried them and put them in a presentation folder. I spent four days on
this, after which I sold the stamps at my school for a cool 4 dollars.
“The next morning, I invested those four dollars in some more stamps on
paper. I spent the next four days on them and sold them afterwards for 6
dollars. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d
accumulated a fortune of 200 dollars. “Then my uncle died and left me his
collection worth two million dollars…”
2. Fresh out of business school, a young man answered a want ad for an accountant.
Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small stamp dealership that he had started himself.
“I need someone with an accounting degree,” the man said.”But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.”
“Excuse me?” the accountant said.
“I worry about a lot of things like mailing packets, putting up items for auction, replying
to customers” the man said. “But I don’t want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.”
“I see,” the accountant said. “And how much does the job pay?”
“I’ll start you at eighty thousand.”
“Eighty thousand dollars!” the accountant exclaimed. “How can a stamp business afford
a sum like that?”
“That,” the stamp dealer said, “is your first worry.”
3. Larry’s stamp collection was stolen, and Susan, his wife, called the insurance company:
“We had that collection insured for fifty thousand and I want my money”. Agent: “Whoa there just a minute, Susan. It doesn’t work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of the collection and provide you with a similar one of comparable worth”. Susan, after a pause: “I’d like to cancel the policy on my husband…”
4. A customer walks into a stamp shop and notices a large sign on the wall,
“500 DOLLARS IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!” When the shop attendant arrives, he asks for a mint copy of the US 1 dollar Inverted Lamp. The shop attendant calmly writes down the details and walks into the shop owner’s office where all hell breaks loose! The shop owner comes storming out of the office. He runs up to the customer’s side, slaps five 100 dollars bills down and says, “You got me that time buddy, but I want you to know that’s the first time in ten years we’ve been out of a mint copy of this issue!” “Could have saved these 500 bucks if only you would have ordered a used copy!!”
5. One day, Hassan decided to start stamp collection. He knows that the Penny Black is the oldest stamp so he asks Genie: “Genie, I want you to give me the Penny Black stamp. Remember to bring it here in good conditions.That’s my first demand. ” After a few minutes Gene returns: “Here you are!” and he gives Hassan a Penny Black used stamp.
Hassan is very happy but after a few minutes… “No Genie, I want it in better condtion. That’s my second demand”. Genie flies again and this time he gives Hassan a Penny Black mint stamp. Hassan is very happy but after a few minutes, he says: “No Genie, I want it in even better, in the original condtion. That’s my third demand.”Then Genie flies away again and returns momentarly: “Master, here is the best, original I could find.”
And then, Hassan sees the Queen Victoria standing in front of him.
6. A priest goes to the post office to buy stamps for his Christmas cards. He says to the clerk, “May I have 50 Christmas stamps, please?” The clerk replies, “What denomination?” God help us. Has it come to this?” the priest answers. Give me six Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptist!”
7. A stamp dealer dies and
finds himself at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, “We don’t let just
anybody in here, you know. Have you ever done any kind deeds?”
The dealer thinks and think and thinks, and then his face brightens and he says, “Yeah! There was this kid. He kept coming in my shop after school, day after day. He was always looking at one stamp in my showcase. One day he says, ‘Mister, would you take a dime for that stamp? It’s all I’ve got.’ That stamp was worth a quarter, but I wanted to get rid of the brat, so I sold it to him for a dime.”
“I see,” said St. Peter. He pauses for few moments of heavenly reflection. “OK, here’s what we’ll do.” He hands the dealer a dime and says, “Take this dime, and go to Hell!” :^)
8. Two wives gossip: “You know, my husband is a heavy drinker – I think he might be an alcoholic!” The other wife replies: “Alcoholic? I have worse: my husband is a filibuster, oh no, no, he is a syphilist or something like that… .”
Voice from adjacent room: “how many times I have to tell you that I am a philatelist!”
9.THE IRISH VIRGIN
In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and
very proud of it.
Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring
to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went
to the town’s undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal
clerk) to make the proper “final” arrangements.
As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the
following inscription engraved on her tombstone: “BORN A VIRGIN,
LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN”
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the
funeral, as the undertaker–postal clerk went to prepare the
tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that
the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the
wording that she had chosen.
He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid’s
final request, considering the very limited space available on the
small piece of stone.
For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience
as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was
the appropriate solution to the problem.
The virgin’s tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and
read as follows: